In hindsight, it’s easy to see when a significant other was mistreating you, however insignificant it may have seemed at the time. But when you’re married to someone, emotional abuse isn’t only hard to recognize; it’s unsettling to accept. Luckily, you’re not trapped by your commitment at the altar, and if you wish to stay in the relationship, you can use marriage counseling to work through the issues. Here are some of the most common signs you’re currently involved in an emotionally abusive marriage and need to make a change.

3 Signs You’re in an Emotionally Abusive Marriage

1. Threats

In a relationship, threats can take on many forms. In some cases, the most painful may not be physical violence—such as punching a wall or raising a hand—but emotional.

For example, if your spouse threatens divorce if you don’t agree with them on a specific topic, they are still acting as an abuser (albeit in a less conspicuous way). Their goal, whether through talk of blackmail, abandonment, suicide, or sole custody, is to make their victim feel powerless and willing to appease.

2. Gaslighting

This term is in reference to the British play, Gas Light, which featured a husband gradually convincing his wife that she was imagining things to cover up a murder and theft he committed.

Unfortunately, this type of manipulation is utilized in spousal arguments, when one individual tries to twist a memory or remark to their benefit, insisting that their partner simply got it wrong.

If you are experiencing this type of emotional abuse, you may have been told you were acting “crazy,” or that you were lying, in an attempt to weaken your credibility and make you second guess your own perspective.

3. Goading

As you and your spouse have gotten to know each other over the years, you’ll know exactly what each other is confident about, and where your weaknesses lie. In an emotionally abusive relationship, one spouse will purposely touch on these points to make their partner feel self-conscious.

Goading is not just mean-spirited in and of itself, but it could also trigger an emotional response from the victim, making them seem unstable or irrational, and aiding in the technique above.

If you’ve felt backed into a corner by your spouse, it’s important to realize that emotional abuse is just as harmful as physical harm. Luckily, marriage counseling might be able to put your relationship on the right path. In Lexington, KY, Feinberg & Associates helps couples work their way back to a healthy, peaceful union. David Feinberg, Ph.D. has spent over 25 years offering psychological evaluations, treating mental health conditions, and resolving conflicts within relationships. To learn more about their services, visit the website or call (859) 233-3390 to make an appointment for marriage counseling.