When you spend most of your time with one person and take on challenges together, such as parenting and shared finances, it's reasonable to disagree sometimes. Disagreements that turn into fights can damage the relationship, but with excellent communication skills, they don't have to. Here are a few essential tips for having constructive conversations with your partner, even when you disagree.

Do:

Choose your words wisely.

Even a small disagreement can turn into a big fight if you're aggressive or if the two of you misunderstand each other. To avoid this, pay attention to your language and tone. Avoid blaming or accusing, and don't insult your partner. Instead, focus on the issue and solutions.

Listen.

Listening means more than just waiting for your turn to talk. You need to actively pay attention to what your partner says and look for points you agree with, not just ones to argue with. One exercise to help you develop your communication skills is to summarize what your partner said and ask them if you understood correctly before giving your input.

Don't:

Make assumptions.

Sometimes, you might think you understand your partner's opinion on an issue or their motives for an action without asking them. However, these assumptions aren't always correct, and they can lead you to be angry about nothing. Ask your partner to explain what they think instead of guessing. Also, don't assume your partner knows what you think, want, need, or feel if you haven't explained.

Treat it like a battle.

Conversations with your partner aren't a competition where you need to win every time. Ideally, both of you should be on the same team. Even if you have different opinions, you still have shared goals, and the relationship itself is more important than most issues you might disagree about. Instead of trying to win an argument, focus on finding the best solution for the problem together.

For help building your communication skills and strengthening your relationship, visit Counseling Solutions of Alaska. Since 2007, their experienced counselors and life coaches have served residents throughout a 50-mile radius of their Anchorage and Eagle River locations. They offer a full range of counseling services, including couples therapy. Call (907) 644-8044 to make an appointment, or visit them online to learn more about how they can help.