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When you start sharing child custody with your ex-spouse, you might feel uncertain about how to proceed. However, it’s entirely possible to raise your children successfully without sharing a marriage or a home. To do so peacefully, start with the following tips.

How to Handle Shared Custody With Your Ex-Spouse

1. Put Your Children First

The divorce settlement process may have brought up several issues between you and your ex. However, once the agreement is finalized and custody has been decided, it’s time to devote your mental and emotional energy to your children. Spending more time trying to appeal the judgment and gain sole custody will consume your schedule, taking time away from helping your kids heal and move forward. If your concerns about shared custody are more to do with your feelings toward your ex, try to remember that the children love both of you, and  you can give them a bright future by putting aside your differences and working together.

2. Keep Venting Private

child custodyIt’s natural to have negative feelings toward your ex from time to time. Whenever you feel angry or upset, reach out to a friend and ask them to meet up for coffee, or at their place, away from your kids. It’s easier than you might think for children to overhear phone conversations, and hearing you talk badly about their other parent could cause them to feel torn or even disloyal when spending time with them. Instead, encourage your child to maintain a relationship with their other parent, and to form their own opinions.

3. Allow for Flexibility

When you first hear about the shared custody decision, sit down with your ex and agree on a few rules that should remain the same between households. This way, your children will feel a sense of structure and familiarity, even though they’re shifting between environments.

Still, it’s important to allow for a bit of leniency when it comes to your ex. If they’d rather let the kids spend an extra hour watching TV before bed, or if they want them to take the bus to school instead of driving, let them. To limit tension, save your battles for more important issues.

 

If you’re hoping to find harmony with your ex-spouse after a child custody decision, reach out to The Law Office and Mediation Center of Jeannine M. Talbot. This Torrington, CT, lawyer has over 20 years of experience with divorce and child custody cases. With her help, you can come to mutual agreements with your co-parenting partner and do what’s best for the kids. Visit her website to learn more about her mediation services, or call (860) 482-9004 to schedule a consultation.

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