Taken from Chapter 1 of Obesity, It’s Not A Character Flaw

Weight Loss Surgery: The Alternative When You’re Done with Diets (and Blame)

 

 “If you would just eat less and exercise more, you wouldn’t have this problem.”

These words, spoken by well-intentioned friends, family, and possibly even your doctor, are words that, for those who speak them, are meant to be words of encouragement. For the one on the receiving end of these words, however, they are anything but encouraging. These words pierce the heart, soul, and spirit, regardless of how sincere and well intentioned the admonishment. What the admonisher does not realize is that what they are really saying is you must be too lazy to lose weight; you must be too overindulgent to lose weight; you must simply lack the willpower to lose weight. In essence, they are stating you must have some kind of character flaw preventing you from losing weight. After all, if all you had to do was exercise and watch what you eat, then why haven’t you done it already? To others, it’s so simple! 

 

If attaining a healthy weight was as simple as careful food selection and following an exercise routine, then I suspect obesity would be a rare condition indeed. I’ll let you in on a little secret. I don’t eat ‘right’ and I don’t exercise the way that I should, but I’m still at a healthy weight. I can promise you it’s not because I have more willpower or character than you do. The reality is, obesity is not just about willpower and character. There are other factors involved that you have little to no control over. These factors are constantly working against your efforts to lose weight despite your best intentions, desire, and will. In later chapters we’ll delve into some of these factors that prevent you from attaining the healthy weight you desire. However, before we get to that, I want to explore the various ways society discriminates against the obese. Whether it’s on television sitcoms, movies, the workplace, the schoolyard, or even within your own home, the social prejudice against obesity is as epidemic and pervasive as the so-called obesity crisis itself! 

 

As part of my surgical practice, I host a chat board for my patients, for both those who are awaiting weight-loss surgery and those who have already had it. The chat board provides everyone an opportunity to communicate with each other. It serves as a type of online support group where patients can share stories of common interest or offer words of encouragement to those who may be struggling. I had no idea what I was in store for when I posted a simple request on the chat board. My request, “Tell me about your experiences with social prejudice due to your weight.” With that simple request, the floodgates were opened and the responses poured in. The insensitivity and downright cruelty of some people is hard to fathom, but cruel they can be. Surprisingly, some of the worst treatment wasn’t from strangers, but from family and friends. The people you would expect to be the ones you could turn to for emotional support were often the most critical.

 

Some of the stories my patients have shared with me literally bring me to tears. They tell stories of mockery, bullying, ridicule, and discrimination of various sorts simply because of their sizes. These stories will undoubtedly sound all too familiar to you if you are struggling with your weight. As you read on, please know that I firmly believe that obesity is not a character flaw and the injustices those who struggle with their weight have to endure is a real blemish on our supposedly civil society. 

Dody is one of our star chat board participants. She is inspirational, insightful, warm, and witty, but what she shared on the chat board recently gave me a whole new appreciation for just how strong and courageous a woman Dody really is. Here is her story in her own words:

 

I think the one “discrimination moment” that hurt me the most was at my sister’s graduation party. I’m almost eight years older than she is and for various reasons, it’s like we were raised in totally different families. My sis had never been very big, just a teensy bit overweight, but in high school she had a nice build. My Mom has always been obsessed with looks and with me being, at that time, about 230 lbs., I was NOT her idea of “the perfect child.” She, my Mom, NEVER introduced me to friends or acquaintances, but my little sister was always introduced as her “beautiful daughter!” 

Mom worked at Wal-Mart for many years and not one of the people she worked with knew she had an older daughter. Over the years I got used to being the first kid, the practice one. Mom, Dad, my brother and sister, were this nice, nuclear little family and I was the older daughter who got married and had kids and got fat. But, after some time of estrangement, we worked things out and I started going to family functions again. We are a very close family now, but oh, we’ve got history, you betcha.

My sis graduated and we threw a big party. I cleaned house, cooked and decorated for days for this party. We had about 40-50 people there and Mom was really excited. She’s always been photo-crazy and told everyone that she was going to have my cousin bring his new, fancy camera so he could do family portraits, therefore everyone should come with the idea of having photos taken that they could get prints of later. They set up a little photo spot in the living room and the various families would go in and sit for a picture. The time came for our family, Mom, Dad, me, Becky and Mike, to go have pictures done. So, Mom called Mike and Becky and said to get in there for the picture. Her exact words were, “Mike, Becky, it’s our turn for our family portrait! Get in the living room!” She looked straight at me and turned and went into the other room. I could hear them in there, cheesing it up.

My Aunt Marie was livid. She told me to get my butt in there; that was my family too. I said I wasn’t invited. I cannot tell you how hurt I was. And then, after that, before I could gather my husband, kids and myself to go get pics with them, I heard Mom tell the cousin that was all the pics she needed taken and that he could go enjoy the party now. That was 1984. It still makes my stomach churn to think about how that felt. I cried over that for days, but mostly, it just messed with my esteem to the point I pretty much didn’t have any.

It got even worse a few weeks later when I was on the phone with my brother and I could hear Mom in the background talking to the neighbor, telling her that she just couldn’t believe she’d raised a daughter with so little pride. And then, at another family gathering, she actually handed me her camera and said, and I quote, “Here, Dody. I’d like a family picture. You take it.” She proceeded to gather my brother, sister and Dad, and they all smiled at me while I took their little family picture. I stuck my chin up, handed Mom back her camera, after we finished, and gathered my kids and left. I STILL leave family gatherings if they break out a camera and start that “family picture” crap. It’s not that I don’t want to be photographed, it’s just that it makes me hurt and I think it shows in the pictures.

Today, Dody has assumed the role as primary caregiver for her invalid mother, a testament to the outstanding character this beautiful woman possesses. Despite those bad experiences, Dody has managed to keep a wonderful sense of humor.

 

If you're interested in weight loss surgery, choose Mini-Gastric Bypass in Carthage, MO. Dr. David Hargroder has been providing this procedure in Jasper County for almost 20 years after training directly with the surgeon who developed it. With this relatively simple and successful weight loss procedure, you can make a lasting change in less than an hour and be home from the hospital in a day. To get started, visit the website or call (314) 807-7110.