Watching your children grow up into independent adults is rewarding for any parent. As your former little ones become increasingly independent, however, you may feel an emotional distance growing between you and them. Finding ways to communicate isn't always easy, but you can follow the five family counseling tips below to stay close and maintain a healthy bond.

How to Talk to Your Adult Children

1. Keep It Positive

Avoid negativity when interacting with adult children. Expressing concerns about their housekeeping may be seen as criticism, for instance. Think before you say something and consider whether it may be hurtful.

2. Don't Play the Comparison Game

Drawing comparisons between your children and others is rarely productive. If they have children of their own, you may be tempted to contrast their parenting style and yours. Avoid giving in to these urges, as they’ll likely view these comments as negative criticism. 

3. Observe Personal & Virtual Boundaries

Just because you can reach your children at any time doesn't mean you should. Give them privacy. Connecting with young adults on social media can be seen as intrusive, for instance.

4. Establish Your Preferred Means of Communication

Establish which mode of communication works best for both of you. Texting is often ideal for short and simple exchanges, as it’s less time-consuming than calling or emailing. For longer conversations, you can always schedule phone calls via text for times that work for both of you. 

5. Learn to Read Communication Cues

You’ve known your children for their entire lives. You can likely tell when they want to be left alone or when they might need some encouragement. Recognize and respect these cues, and they’ll be more willing to approach you when they need your help.

Laurie Burns LCSW-R CGP of Rochester, NY, has been helping families communicate for over 20 years. A licensed professional counselor, she offers individual, couple, and family counseling. Laurie is known for her compassion and skill, and she’s received the William P. Hart Award from the Rochester General Hospital Behavioral Health Network. She’s also a certified member of the American Group Psychotherapy Association. Visit her website to review her family counseling services, and call (585) 734-6826 to schedule an appointment.