Bullying is a very real problem that can have damaging effects on a child's self-esteem and mental health. If your child is bullied by someone they see as a friend, or if they witness a friend being mean to other kids, it's important to sit down with your child and discuss the situation with them. Below are a few tips to help you do this.

What to Do When a Friend Is a Bully

1. Discuss the Subject of Strength

Vulnerability is its own kind of strength, but in the face of a bully, a show of defiance can sometimes be enough to defuse an intense or uncomfortable encounter. This is true whether your child is the one being bullied or they witness their friend bullying someone else.

Talk to your child about how they can gently but firmly assert their own agency and power in a bullying scenario. Stress that strength is not violence, and that bullying can often be curtailed by strongly and decisively telling the bully to stop.

2. Focus on Values

Remind your child of the values they should employ when choosing friends. Discuss how popularity, cruelty, and bullying aren’t values, but rather behaviors brought on by choices. Everyone has choices when it comes to making friends.

Remind your child that friends are people who like you, who are respectful to themselves and others, and who include you in their lives. These are values to look for in friends, and they are reflected in how your child's friends treat them and other kids.

3. Encourage Your Child to Share Their Feelings

Dealing with an unkind friend can be a frustrating and sad experience for your child. They shouldn’t try to stifle these feelings; instead, encourage your child to share them with you. Do whatever you can to support their mental health and well-being. Let them know that it’s perfectly acceptable to feel angry and hurt in this type of situation. If they need to cry, let them. If they need to vent, let them. Assure them that you are a soft place to land, a source of safety and support on whom they can rely.

Being a young person in today's world comes with a unique set of challenges. Sondra Sexton-Jones will help your child navigate these difficulties. For more than 25 years, she has been providing the Juneau, AK, area with mental health counseling services. She offers individual therapy for children and adults, as well as couples' therapy and grief counseling. Call (907) 586-3313 or visit her website to schedule an appointment with a trusted mental health professional.