Discussing funeral arrangements can be difficult; most people don’t like to consider their mortality. But pre-planning a funeral helps loved ones to honor the decedent’s wishes as well as lessen the burden of making decisions during a stressful time. Use this guide to begin the conversation with your family.

How Should You Bring Up the Topic?

An excellent time to begin the conversation with a family member is soon after they attend a funeral (though not one that impacted them too much emotionally). Choose a time when your parent seems willing, able, and the timing seems right for this type of conversation for both of you. Remember, timing is absolutely critical for such a sensitive matter. You might ask them about the funeral and what they liked and didn’t like about it. Then guide the conversation to their wishes by gently asking, “what would you like for yourself, when that time comes?” Listen more than talk and you may want to take notes if possible.

You can also share your own or another family/friend’s pre-planned funeral arrangements as a way into the conversation. Most parents want to spare their children stress and grief and, once the topic is introduced casually, will likely be happy to plan ahead. If your loved one is resistant, honor their feelings and try again at another time.

What Questions Should I Ask?

Funerals and memorials are extremely varied, so it’s important to get details about both basics, such as burial or cremation, and specifics such as music and memorial donations. If they choose cremation, ask them how they would like their remains to be handled.  Would they prefer them to be kept by a family member, buried, or have their remains scattered, if so desired. Questions to ask could also include: 

• What kind of service would you like? 
• Where would you like it to take place?
• Is there special readings or music you’d like to have? Who would you want to participate?
• Do you want flowers? Any special kind?
• Would you like donations made in memoriam? Which charities or organizations?
• Are there distant friends or relatives that you’d want to make sure we told? (get a list of names and current addresses/emails now)
• Do you have a funeral home in mind? Could I help you start the pre-planning process?
• Are there any family or cultural traditions you’d like to have?

The decisions about funeral arrangements may take more than one conversation. If your parent seems willing, and it’s possible for you, accompany them to a funeral home to begin the pre-planning process.

Willow Funeral Home, LLC, in Willow Springs, MO, has been assisting families with funeral arrangements since 1915. Their compassionate, experienced staff can help with all aspects of funeral planning, from pre-arrangements to writing an obituary to online grief support. They can help choose the perfect service to memorialize a loved one’s life, including veteran’s services, cremation, or burial. Call  (417) 469-3141 to schedule a pre-planning appointment or visit their website to access resources and services.