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The most trying time of many people’s lives is the period after losing a loved one. Handling the deceased’s outstanding business, gathering insurance information, and planning funeral services is enough to overwhelm anyone. As a close friend or relative, you want to be there for the grief-stricken and provide all of the assistance you can, but be wary when navigating sensitive waters. Follow these common rules of etiquette when consoling a grieving friend.

Do:

Offer heartfelt condolences.

Positive words from a trusted friend or respected colleague will mean the world to those affected by death. Relaying your message in words, or with a meaningful card are both effective methods. Try to avoid delving too deeply if you aren’t familiar with the deceased.

Attend funeral services.

If a close friend or family member loses a loved one, your attendance at the funeral services can be very effective. Dress thoughtfully, and be prepared to see your friend in a state you may have never seen them in before. Your shoulder may be the one they choose to cry on.

Check on the grieving from time to time.

The days and weeks after the funeral can be the most trying for those in mourning. Once their loved one has been buried and friends and family return to their normal duties, the pain and loss still remain. Don’t hesitate to call and check in on a grieving friend; they’ll appreciate the consideration.  

Don’t:

Put a time limit on grief.

griefWords like, “get over it,” or “isn’t it time to move on?” don’t belong in your conversations with someone experiencing a recent loss.  The truth is it may take years to come to grips with the loss of a loved one. Instead of coming up with words to say, simply listening is sometimes the best method.

Rush to remove the deceased’s belongings.

You may think that rusty old chair is trash, but it may hold sentimental value to a friend after the owner has passed. Try moving unneeded things to the basement or garage for storage, or buy a tote to store old things for the grieving. Let them sort through their cherished memories at their own pace.

 

Porto Funeral Homes in New Haven County, CT, has been serving their community for over 75 years. They offer a variety of funeral services to meet anyone’s needs, including cremation services, burial services, and pre-arrangements for funerals. For more information on their services visit their website, or contact them directly at their two locations; (203) 934-500 in West Haven, and (203) 467-3000 in East Haven.

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