Do you feel like you aren’t living up to your potential? If you answered yes, you’re not alone. Lots of people feel that way, but the good news is that everyone has the power to change.

There may be a number of reasons why you haven’t pursued or accomplished the things you want. But, regardless of your reasons, there are some basic things you can do to start making progress toward your goals. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

1. Accept Where You Are

Many times when people aren’t where they want to be in their lives, they get upset about their situation and focus energy on their distress instead of helping themselves to move forward. Rather than concentrating on your distress, it may be important to simply recognize and accept that you are where you are. It’s OK to acknowledge the things that haven’t gone as you’d hoped, and to use it as a learning experience. Ironically, self-acceptance and acceptance of where you actually are will facilitate your ability to move forward and make the changes you desire. 

2.  Develop Awareness of Your Inner Critic + Practice Self-Compassion

Many people are prone to being very self-critical, especially when they’re disappointed by something they’ve done or not done. Unfortunately, self-critical people tend to be so accustomed to the harsh, judgmental ways they talk to themselves, they may not even notice when they’re doing it. Sometimes self-critical people mistakenly believe that treating themselves harshly will help them to make progress. However, the truth is that when people feel like they’re not good enough it makes it less likely to pursue and achieve their goals.

Noticing when you are being self-critical is an important first step in being able to change your negative self-talk. Once you notice it, you are then empowered to change what you say to yourself. Every time you notice that you’re thinking self-critical thoughts, stop and ask yourself how you might encourage yourself instead. It turns out that treating yourself with compassion is often a helpful antidote to self-criticism. It’s a more effective way to motivate yourself, and increases the likelihood you’ll achieve your goals.

So, when you realize you’re being self-critical, ask yourself what you could say to yourself that would be kinder and more compassionate. Also, what kinds of things can you say to yourself that will help you feel motivated and more likely to move forward? And, if a good friend was in the same situation, what would you say to her/him?

3. Develop a Growth Mindset

A growth mindset involves believing in yourself and your ability to grow and change for the better. The opposite of a growth mindset is a fixed mindset, which involves believing that your abilities are set for life. People with a fixed mindset are preoccupied with proving themselves, and when they experience a setback they’re likely to conclude they lack the ability to pursue their goal. As a consequence, they’re more likely to give up. On the other hand, people with a growth mindset recognize that their abilities can be enhanced through effort, so they focus on developing their abilities instead of trying to prove themselves. They respond to obstacles and disappointing outcomes by asking themselves what they can learn from it and what they can do differently in the future. It’s easy to see how having a fixed mindset can end up limiting a person’s potential, and how a growth mindset can facilitate motivation and lead to greater accomplishment.

The good news is that it’s possible to change a fixed mindset into a growth mindset by thinking differently about setbacks. When you experience rejection or failure, recognize that you most likely do have the ability to reach your goal (or some version of your goal), but that you might need to employ different strategies to get there.

If you’re interested in learning more about making progress on your goals and unlocking your potential, Turning Point Life Coaching can help. Based in Rochester, NY, psychologist and life coach Audrey Berger has helped Monroe County residents improve their lives and unlock their potential for nearly 40 years. Call (585) 292-0095 to find out how she can help you. Or, visit the website to read her blog and find more helpful tips on topics from stress management to relationships. In addition to office appointment, she’s available to meet with clients over the phone or online.