When properly executed, divorce mediation can help couples peacefully resolve child custody, support, property division, and other sensitive issues. However, one common error can substantially complicate the process: introducing unnecessary friction into the process. Allowing new partners to insert themselves into the process can be particularly disruptive, as the following advice and example illustrate.

A Word of Caution About Divorce Mediation

Understanding the Importance of Confidentiality

Divorce mediation sessions are confidential.  This is so that parties can freely explore settlements that they may not wish a judge to hear about if the negotiations fail.  The confidentiality of mediation can become complicated, however, by the introduction of persons who do not have a direct stake in the outcome of the case being mediated but who do have an opinion of how things should turn out. This can include your current romantic partner, your parents, adult children, or other family members. While all or some of these people may be a part of your support system, be careful about allowing them to openly assert their influence over the outcome of your case in mediation.

Avoid Inserting Others Into the Process

Although you may feel that others have a stake in the results of your negotiations, allowing them to insert themselves into divorce mediation proceedings is rarely a good idea. Even if they do not make mediation sessions unnecessarily confrontational, their presence alone can be a distraction, especially in emotionally delicate situations. At worst, they may attempt to direct the proceedings to achieve a result in their own best interests, not those of you or your children.  

For example, retired baseball player Alex Rodriguez is reported by the media to be in mediation proceedings to reduce his monthly child support payments. While the process could have gone smoothly, his current girlfriend, singer/actress Jennifer Lopez, reportedly made the situation more contentious by appearing at a mediation session and offering her opinion. Without this complication, the issues may have been resolved peacefully; instead, further negotiations were said to be canceled.

Custody Negotiations Should Be Between Parents

Another example where too many cooks can spoil the broth is in the negotiation of a reasonable visitation schedule. Holidays, in particular, can be a stumbling block because of the various family members who share holidays with you and your children. Grandparents who host meals and festivities at holiday time can become quite insistent that their longstanding traditions be honored. If they are allowed a seat at the negotiating table, their desires can stand in the way of achieving a settlement.  

Involving grandparents in mediation is tempting, particularly when the grandparents are helping their adult child pay the mediator’s fee. But what grandparents want in a visitation schedule is not always realistic or even what is best for the children. When both parents are fit, settlements of visitation issues are more easily achieved without the added pressure of making two or even one set of grandparents happy with the outcome.  

Grandparents may be seen by the other side as pushy and interfering if they are perceived to control one of the parties involved in negotiations. While there is nothing wrong with obtaining your family’s input on how to resolve your case, these discussions are best had well before the mediation and are less effective during the mediation if the other side becomes aware of the fact that they are negotiating with not only the parent of their child but the grandparents as well.
 

Family law issues are among the most emotionally sensitive most people will ever face, so you deserve an attorney with specific expertise and a compassionate approach to the law. For over 25 years, NMS Law Firm - Nina M. Svoren LLC has provided clients throughout northeast Georgia with effective service and zealous representation and achieved many peacefully negotiated outcomes in divorce mediation. Visit her website to learn more about her services, follow her Facebook for more professional insight, or call (706) 282-4696 to schedule your free consultation today.