Talking to a teenager who can’t seem to look up from their phone screen can be frustrating for even the most loving parent. Having a dialogue with your child is crucial for their mental health, however. If you discover they are having problems with anxiety or depression, for instance, you can get them valuable counseling. Find out how to create an open space where your teen feels comfortable talking.

Create an Open Space

When speaking with your teen, avoid criticism because if they feel judged, they will shut down. Keep an open mind if they want to talk about tough topics — from politics to social issues. Don't shut down their opinion even if you disagree with it — solicit, acknowledge, and validate their point of view.

Sharing your own views and personal stories can encourage teens to open up. By making them a confidante and conversation partner, you are showing them that they are an equal. As you would with any other adult, respect their boundaries and offer help, like counseling, only if asked — the exception being if they are a danger to themselves or others.

If issues do arise, use “I” messages to approach the situation. Instead of saying “You left the lights on in the car” try “I was upset to find the lights were still on in the car since this can run down the battery.” Avoid an accusatory approach, which will only get their defenses up.

Maintain the Dialogue

You need to continue to put in effort to maintain a conversation. The upcoming holidays are the perfect time to put this into practice. When it comes to family activities, don’t pressure them into every event. If they need some downtime, they should have the choice to opt out.

Ask your teen what they would like to do as a family — like seeing a certain movie in theaters. Take their feedback on board, make a plan, and put it into action. This reminds them that they are heard and their opinion matters.

Therapist Colleen Torrence MEd, LPC provides children, adolescents, adults, couples, and families in Juneau, AK, with licensed counseling services. She brings over 17 years of experience to the table and has assisted countless patients with their mental health issues. Whether you want a child therapist for your little one or require guidance after a loved one’s death yourself, she can help. Find out more about her experience and education online. For a counseling appointment, call (907) 789-9212.