It is perfectly normal for couples to argue on occasion. No two people can expect to agree on everything all the time. Fortunately, as long as you and your partner share a mutual respect, resolving any conflicts that do arise should be relatively straightforward. If it feels like you keep having the same argument over and over again, though—or each argument is more heated than the last—it may be wise to attend couples counseling. In the meantime, try to avoid these common mistakes when faced with conflict. 

3 Mistakes to Avoid When Arguing With Your Partner 

1. Criticizing Him or Her

If you have a specific issue with the way your partner does something, it will need to be addressed at some point; however, criticizing your partner during arguments is counterproductive. To avoid this mistake, do not place blame or use words like “always” and “never.” Instead, turn it back on yourself by using phrases that start with “I” and end with how you feel about the dispute in question. 

2. Getting Defensive 

Getting defensive is a surefire way to end an argument without resolving anything. If your partner’s accusations are totally off-base, it’s only natural to want to defend yourself; however, it will be more productive to stop and consider why he or she feels the need to make such accusations. The single best way to keep defensiveness at bay is by practicing empathy in every interaction. Try to see opinions from the other person's point of view before attempting to convince them that they’re wrong. 

3. Walking Away 

Taking a step back with the intention of composing yourself for a few moments is an effective way to prevent angry outbursts. However, if you walk away from every argument simply because you don’t want to talk it out, resentment is only going to build. Instead, stay and address your partner’s concerns. If you’re not sure how to do that in a graceful and productive way, propose couples counseling, where you will both learn how to “fight fair.”

If you and your partner can’t seem to resolve conflicts with grace, consider attending couples counseling at Feinberg & Associates in Lexington, KY. Led by David Feinberg, Ph.D., who has more than 25 years of experience, this psychology practice helps clients resolve marriage tension, navigate complicated family dynamics, and cope with mental illness. Their areas of expertise include depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, sexual problems, and anger management. To schedule your first couples counseling session, call (859) 233-3390, and then visit their website for directions to the office.