Codependency manifests itself in different ways, but it is commonly recognized as a relationship in which two people are so emotionally attached to one another they cannot function independently. It may affect individuals with chemical dependency or mental illness, along with those providing care or living with them.

It’s not easy to recognize when one is part of a codependent relationship. In fact, those involved may be in denial there is anything wrong at all. Here are three common symptoms of codependent behavior:

• Having Difficulty Communicating: Being an active and successful communicator requires some degree of assertiveness. Communication is a two-way street, and there is give-and-take involved in the process. Individuals who are codependent may be unable to articulate their thoughts or express themselves clearly and confidently or may silence themselves for fear of hurting the other person. These unhealthy communication skills also include behaving in a passive-aggressive manner, being negative, or even being overly nice to please the other person.
• Fearing Abandonment: Individuals in codependent relationships are often starving for genuine love and affection. They long to be understood and valued, and so they hang on to the existing relationship even if it is far from perfect. They fear they will lose this relationship and be alone. As a result, they spend much of their time conforming to the other person’s wishes, even if they are unreasonable, or attempting to change the person. It perpetuates the cycle of dependency and exacerbates the behaviors that facilitate an unhealthy relationship.
• Depending on the Relationship: A person may lose their sense of self when involved in a codependent relationship. Their moods may be dictated by the other person’s attitudes, and they are unable to create healthy boundaries that allow them to live their lives. A person might give up their needs completely, enabling the other person’s behavior by trying too hard to please. This usually comes at the expense of the “enabler’s” happiness, and it can lead to depression.

It is possible to heal and enjoy healthier relationships, even after years of being involved in a codependent situation. The key is in recognizing when it is time to seek help. With counseling, individuals can improve their communication skills, discover how to break the cycle of codependency, and enjoy happier, healthier relationships.

Counseling Solutions of Alaska provides mental health services for the Anchorage community. Services include therapy for codependency, relationships, stress management, and depression. For more information on their services, visit the website, or call (907) 644-8044 to schedule an appointment.